Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
