how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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