ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
