He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
