Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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