You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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