After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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