i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
