just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
