Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
