she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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