don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
