when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
