just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
