cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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