apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
