She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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