Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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