My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Couch. On fire.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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