Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
