do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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