well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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