This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
