dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
