i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
