im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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