We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
