They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
