i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
