he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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