the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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