The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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