the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
