what day is it and did you see me today?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
