woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
