I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
