I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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