Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
