My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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