My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
