there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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