We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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