were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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