3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
