Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
