i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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