He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
