No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
