Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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