She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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