Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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