note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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