he puts the penis in happiness.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
