get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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