My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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