I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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