ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
