I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
