chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
