I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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