Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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