My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
