I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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