meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
