your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.