Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
