note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.