i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass