I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.