I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT